so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
