He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
