You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
