just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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