why didn't you poke me back
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
