you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
