I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
