so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
