Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
