haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
