If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
love makes seman taste better
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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