The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We left an ass print on the piano.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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