Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
