It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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