We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
