you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
