One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
