we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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