Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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