Kiss
Puke
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
