There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
