i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
