You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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