Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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