I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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