Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
