He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
