Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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