Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
