At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
