i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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