Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
