You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
