Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
