He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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