this beer tastes like vomit already
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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