John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
