did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
