i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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