just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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