You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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