You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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