i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
