So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
