I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
