NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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