the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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