mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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