I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
