I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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