no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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