I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
