so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
