i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
