One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
